My mixed up introduction

Am I a good mother, daughter, sister, niece, girlfriend, friend, am I a good person period?

I found myself doubting everything about myself. My self worth was a zero and I didn't know why.

I always help everyone around me without helping myself. How can I give good advice to others, and not follow it myself? Well I think I have come to the conclusion it's all about self love. 

If you don't love yourself then your not going to care to follow advice for self improvement. Why would you, who benefits....YOU? Ugh I don't really matter... (Echos in my head) I don't really matter!   I DON'T MATTER!

I think back and try to figure out where it all started, when did I begin to not love myself? Did something happen? Why don't I love myself? UGH, head spinning question. 

Do you ever think back at childhood memories, and have flashbacks of something bad happening, but not a clear memory of what exactly it was that happened? I have to admit it has crossed my mind to get hypnotized, maybe they can open up the part of my memories I somehow closed. SCARY!!! Open up a part that as a kid I blocked out. 
I couldn't do it, what if the parts of my past I closed were just that bad, what if they open a huge womb, and the bleeding is uncontrollable. (Shoot what if I start barking every time a car honks lol) So again I am back to square one thinking about the what's, how's, and why's.

I still get upset at myself at times for allowing things to happen to me going all the way back to middle school days. Why was I so scared to speak out? Why was I so scared to say NO? Why didn't I trust anyone to help? 

Ugh! Well all these mixed up feelings lead me to a whole lot of...physical and emotional pain. I been through a piece of hell and back. My life! 

Alright Alright, this is beginning to be a lot of gibberish. I just want to get all the words and feelings out, maybe someone can relate.. 

Should I continue?.... I think I owe it to myself to continue... No one listened before, maybe someone will now.. Still....its a maybe that someone will listen.. My muted life misery, screaming out loud with  a soundless voice. 


  1. Congrats, Mz G! You should definitely continue. You never know where it could lead you to. Best of luck!!!

  2. Yes, continue! Don't mute yourself. You definitely matter and your voice is not soundless. I am listening and looking forward to more. ♥


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog