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FREEDUMB PART 2

He was put away, no need to be scared!??
RIGHT?? 

Where did I leave off? ........Oh right he got locked up... Don't have to deal with him, now things will get better???

I started working and now I am really having fun, going out with friends, dating. This is life... I was living at my parents house, but I didn't want to be given rules I'm 18 working why do I have a curfew, why am I getting in trouble for little things. I left my parents house again. This time I was house hoping. Till I started staying with a "friend".

Great right, wrong! 

I had a routine go to work, my friend and her mom would pick me up I was good.
I was good.

 Until one day my "friend" snuck her boyfriend in the room. I was "asleep" and I heard him come in through the window, they started arguing, and saying some other messed up stuff (really messed up, not my story, not my place).  When I hear him say stop acting stupid or your friend is the one that's gonna pay for it. I …

FREEDUMB PART 1

WHY? 

Let's just get into it. Teen years continued~When I was 16 years old I got fed up with not being allowed to do anything or go anywhere. Strict parents SUCKED!... So I decided to leave, I wanted freedom (what a joke). I decided to run "far" away (I was 3 blocks from my house lol). I was literally home sick the whole time I was away. I finally gave in after 3 days away, and 3 days with high fever (I said I was literally home sick). I stood home for a few days. Until I asked if I could go out with some friends for a while, and I was told no. I remember walking over to my mother, and telling her I am going out anyway. This was probably one of the times I should have listened to the NO.

The night my life started to take a turn.

I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED

I met someone that night. Little did I know this guy would change my life in a real way.
This guy was basically showing me the life I NEVER should have seen, but the thrill of things were just too much to say no to. It was a…

ALL MIXED UP INTRODUCTION~ MY FIRST BLOG!

My mixed up introduction
Am I a good mother, daughter, sister, niece, girlfriend, friend, am I a good person period?

I found myself doubting everything about myself. My self worth was a zero and I didn't know why.
I always help everyone around me without helping myself. How can I give good advice to others, and not follow it myself? Well I think I have come to the conclusion it's all about self love. 
If you don't love yourself then your not going to care to follow advice for self improvement. Why would you, who benefits....YOU? Ugh I don't really matter... (Echos in my head) I don't really matter!   I DON'T MATTER!
I think back and try to figure out where it all started, when did I begin to not love myself? Did something happen? Why don't I love myself? UGH, head spinning question. 
Do you ever think back at childhood memories, and have flashbacks of something bad happening, but not a clear memory of what exactly it was that happened? I have to admit it ha…

SOUNDLESS SCREMS

I just want to write stuff down and see how this works out. Good or bad comments this is just me un-muting myself and speaking out loud. Hoping for no judgements. Just expressing myself, and putting out pieces of my life..
Let's just get into it.

Is this where it all started?~

First time~  I was 12 my mom allowed me to spend the night at my aunts house, and mind you I always looked older than what I was, because of my height I guess. I went with my aunt to the laundry mat. While we were there she was flirting with some man, she ended up exchanging numbers, and making plans to go out with him. We got back to her house and she told me she wanted me to go with her to see this man.
I'm a preteen I was like well it's my aunt why not, I can't get in trouble. We got picked up at her place and surprise he had a friend with him. So I guess it was a double date (Confused face now) the man was like 30 years old, reminder I'm 12 and yes I said I looked older, but as older I mea…